25. NOAH (2014)
Look, I totally get that the Biblical story of Noah is quite brief, and the filmmakers were going to get creative. But the way it wastes its pretty interesting first half by descending into a rat’s nest of ugly, weird, and twisted nonsense is pretty depressing.
Verdict: Here, let me show you the part of the film that’s worth seeing: the astonishing “creation” sequence. Don’t bother with the rest.
26. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (2018)
This aggressively superficial biopic of Queen frontman Freddy Mercury whitewashes the darker elements of his story to the point that it robs both the triumphs and tragedy of his life of their dramatic impact. It’s impossible to feel anything while watching aside from the nagging feeling that time would be better spent listening to some Queen albums.
Verdict: Seriously, go listen to some Queen instead. Also, Rami Malek won an Oscar for this? How the hell did that happen?
27. GAMERA VS. GUIRON (1969)
In this miraculous specimen of kaiju cheese, the ever long-suffering Gamera must rescue a couple of annoying children from a couple of brain-eating space foxes, and a sullen ambulatory (kinda) kitchen knife. Oh, and it has a song with a chorus that you will never get out of your head. Ever. If this isn’t a high enough recommendation for you, you are a lost cause, my friend.
Verdict: I love these kinds of movies so much. I love them even better with my old friends from Mystery Science Theater 3000!