Category: movie reviews

2023 Movie Diary, Part 16

46. THE PATRIOT (2000)

Pretty bad as history goes, but still a rousing good time.  This is due largely to a very committed, intense and relatable performance by Mel Gibson and a snarling villainous turn by the always excellent Jason Isaacs. There’s a lot of very bloody violence, but it’s a Mel Gibson movie and a war flick and, well, war is hell, as they say.
Verdict: If the movie’s total indifference to fidelity to historical events doesn’t bother you, it’s well worth a watch.

47. JAWS (1975)

This is what the meeting of popularity and art looks like. Except that last bit with the rubbery shark. But other than that, this is flawless film-making.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

48. HONOR AND GLORY (1993)

This tale of kickass international spy sisters, has big hair, bigger shoulder pads, lots of Jane Fonda-esque workout gear, half-assed martial arts mysticism, and a outrageously amusing eye-popping scenery chewing villain.  Unfortunately, the only scenery there is to chew belongs to dying strip malls, and houses with such bad decor they seem unfit for human habitation.  Depressing.
Verdict: For a good laugh, see the Rifftrax version. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWYw2j_AgDc

2023 Movie Diary, Part 15

43. JAMES CAMERON’S DEEPSEA CHALLENGE (2014)

Want to explore the deep sea without your submersible imploding? This is how you go about it.
Verdict: The bottom of the sea is an exceptionally boring place. Also, James Cameron has a whole lot of money. A whole lot.

44. WINGS (1927)

The first Best Picture Oscar winner holds up decently, thanks to spectacular (by any standard) flying sequences and stars Clara Bow’s and Buddy Rogers’ timeless adorableness.  And yes, that famous “blink-and-you-miss-it” appearance by Gary Cooper is a real eye-catcher. 
Verdict: Not bad. The action sequences are the real stars. There’s truly some unbelievable aerial photography that probably needs to be seen on a big screen to be fully appreciated.
See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG_ZVqLIAU0

45. TRUE GRIT

The Coen Brothers’ treatment of the John Wayne classic is better in every way. Wayne, of course, is irreplaceable, but Jeff Bridges is quite marvelous in his own right. The intentionally overwritten dialogue suits the movie wonderfully and almost stands on its own as a separate character. Great stuff.
Verdict: Highly recommended.

2023 Movie Diary, Part 14

40. TOP GUN: MAVERICK

The flying sequences are great, but it’s the surprising human quality that makes this one work. The actors are good, the writing pays enough attention to character and relationships to hook you, and it’s got a surprising amount of heart. A very pleasant surprise.
Verdict: Much better than the original Top Gun.

41. THE BLACK STALLION

The first half is exquisite — it’s some of the most beautiful, minimalist storytelling you’ll ever see. The second half is more pedestrian, but still looks beautiful and has a great performance by Mickey Rooney.  Kelly Reno, who plays the boy, is excellent throughout, and his partner in most of his scenes — a stunning Arabian stallion named Cass Ole’ — is straight out of a fairy tale. 
Verdict: Uneven, but heads and shoulders above what they’re making for kids today.

42. DOG DAY AFTERNOON

What a great movie this is. What more is there to say about this except how the hell did Art Carney beat out Al Pacino for the Oscar in 1975?  I’ve seen “Harry and Tonto” and Carney was good, but…come on now. 
Verdict: Just flat-out tremendous.

2023 Movie Diary, Part 13

37. SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL (1970)

A truly terrible TV pilot, but oh my goodness, what an epic episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. That’s my entire review, because it doesn’t rate one on its own dreary “merits.”
Verdict: Has any human ever possessed a more punchable face than Pernell Roberts?
See it here: View the MST3K version here (you’re welcome): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYX1UYLbF7c

38. INTERNES CAN’T TAKE MONEY (1937)

Internes Can't Take Money (1937) - HD, Barbara Stanwyck, Joel McCrea ...

The remarkably delectable Joel McCrea in scrubs, flirting with patient Barbara Stanwyck, knocking back a few brewskis with gangsters, breaking hospital rules, doing experimental surgeries in strange locations, like pool tables and office desks. Oh won’t you kiss it and make it better, Dr. Kildare?
Verdict: The two splendid leads make the silly melodrama extremely enjoyable. Did I mention Joel McCrea in scrubs?
See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVw1Gh3jqHM

39. THE VIKINGS (1958)

The Norwegian scenery is real, and scarred, one-eyed Kirk Douglas chews every last bit of it.  Meanwhile, a game Tony Curtis sports a swell pompadour and fur manties, while Janet Leigh’s bra almost puts out the eyes of her co-stars.  This is one of *those* historical epics, and because of everything mentioned above, and committed performances from the cast, it’s insanely fun.  I loved it. 
Verdict: It’s a good time. Recommended!

2023 Movie Diary, Part 12

34. MISSILE X: THE NEUTRON BOMB INCIDENT (1978)

Peter Graves stars as a sexy international man of mystery out to save the world. I’ll just stop there. That should be more than enough.
Verdict: Rifftrax made it bearable. Great fun, even.
See it here: Rifftrax version – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBz5b0tANzc

35. GAMMERA THE INVINCIBLE (1966)

An arctic expedition gone wrong. A enigmatic Eskimo carving. Clueless scientists. Panicky military personnel. A child with a turtle fetish. A guy dressed in a rubber turtle outfit stomping models of cities and power plants. This is indeed a film that has something for everyone.
Verdict: Terrific in all of the ways these kaiju movies are terrific.
See it here: The Rifftrax version is pretty hilarious, but honestly I would have enjoyed it without the riffing.

36. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (1960)

Lots to love here, and just enough wrong with it to leave you vaguely disappointed.  The annoying “young kid” character is unbearable. Leaving him and his stupid romantic subplot on the cutting room floor would solve most of the movie’s problems. But then you’ve only got the Magnificent Six, and that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Oh well.
Verdict: Good but not great. I don’t care what its reputation is.

2023 Movie Diary, Part 11

31. GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN (1958)

False advertising. He’s not a giant, he’s maybe 6′ 3″. And he’s not from the unknown, he’s from 15th century Spain. And he also seems to have lumbago, so his attacks on the unsuspecting are like watching paint dry. This, in addition for the director’s penchant for long metal-detecting grid search sequences, make this one seem far, far, far longer than it’s brief running time.
Verdict: Meh.
See it here (with the guys from Rifftrax): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5d0OEyA6Dc

32. JUNGLE GODDESS (1948)

Oh, but this is a dreary, unpleasant little ditty. But at least the flying sequences are done with little model planes on perfectly visible strings. So there’s that. That’s literally the best thing about it.
Verdict: Trust me when I say that you can go ahead and miss this.
See it here (via Mystery Science Theatre 3000): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdCocIrY864

33. THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2002)

Wes Anderson’s movies are an acquired taste, but I acquired it long ago not just because of his wacky/wonderful visual aesthetic, but because of the heart that he puts into his work. This is a story of familial dysfunction, disappointment, betrayal, forgiveness and redemption, and it’s weirdly moving and brutally funny in all kinds of unexpected ways.
Verdict: Wonderful, and a potential HoF member. I have to see it a few times more to make completely sure.

2023 Movie Diary, Part 10

28. DINOSAURUS (1960)

Bad acting, worse writing, brain-dead plotting, mediocre stop motion dinosaurs, and schlocky caveman antics all in one movie!  It’s Dinosaurus!  What more can you ask for?  Well, how about a climactic duel between a T-Rex and an excavator.  How about a character named Dumpy?  Tempted now?  You should be!  
Verdict: I love movies like this. I don’t care who knows it.
See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxsX1iT6260

29. SPACE MUTINY (1988)

A fun bad movie catapulted to immortality by the greatest of all MST3K episodes. That’s it. That’s my review. Put your faith in Blast Hardcheese and watch it.
Verdict: The Mystery Science Theatre 3000 version is an Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame. There, I said it. You know what movie will never be in my Hall of Fame? Casablanca. I refuse to apologize.
See It Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa42pxJyq64

30. MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD

One of the greatest, most immersive movies ever made.  Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin novels, which serve as the source material, are probably unfilmable as written, at least in motion picture form, and the differences between books and movie are significant. But it’s so beautifully crafted and acted, and so breathtaking in scale yet intimate and nuanced that it’s just miraculous. I will say it again: this is one of the best movies ever made.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

2023 Movie Diary, Part 9

25. NOAH (2014)

Look, I totally get that the Biblical story of Noah is quite brief, and the filmmakers were going to get creative. But the way it wastes its pretty interesting first half by descending into a rat’s nest of ugly, weird, and twisted nonsense is pretty depressing. 

Verdict: Here, let me show you the part of the film that’s worth seeing: the astonishing “creation” sequence. Don’t bother with the rest.

26. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (2018)

This aggressively superficial biopic of Queen frontman Freddy Mercury whitewashes the darker elements of his story to the point that it robs both the triumphs and tragedy of his life of their dramatic impact. It’s impossible to feel anything while watching aside from the nagging feeling that time would be better spent listening to some Queen albums.
Verdict: Seriously, go listen to some Queen instead. Also, Rami Malek won an Oscar for this? How the hell did that happen?

27. GAMERA VS. GUIRON (1969)

In this miraculous specimen of kaiju cheese, the ever long-suffering Gamera must rescue a couple of annoying children from a couple of brain-eating space foxes, and a sullen ambulatory (kinda) kitchen knife.  Oh, and it has a song with a chorus that you will never get out of your head.  Ever.  If this isn’t a high enough recommendation for you, you are a lost cause, my friend.  
Verdict: I love these kinds of movies so much. I love them even better with my old friends from Mystery Science Theater 3000!

2023 Movie Diary, Part 8

22. MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO (1988)

Greatest movie about the joys and trials of childhood, bar none. It’s enchanting, but the real magic is in the animation itself: the scenes that consist of silence and clouds, or an empty room set up for a family meal, the action of water over stones. It’s deeply immersive and a movie unlike any other.  I cannot recommend it highly enough.  
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

23. THE BIG COUNTRY (1958)

It’s not the best western I’ve ever seen, but it’s decently-written and well-acted by a stellar cast (I’m looking at you, Burl Ives), has spectacular cinematography and an iconic score.  It takes it’s sweet time getting where it’s going, but the all-around display of competence makes it a pleasant enough ride.  
Verdict: A supercut of all of Burl Ives’ scenes would do just as well.

24. JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR (1973)

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I’ll just say it: this is one of the greatest of all movie musicals. The music, the voices, the stunning cinematography, the wonderfully creative direction…it’s just fantastic. The theology? Not so much. But what I wouldn’t give to see it on the big screen.
Verdict: If theological propriety is what you demand, then I’d pass. But if not, give it a shot. Oh yeah, and Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame.

2023 Movie Diary, Part 7

19. THE GENERAL (1926)

The plot’s creaky and bogs things down when too much attention is paid to it, but the production, the physical stunts, the cinematography, and of course, Buster Keaton himself are really something to behold. Even on the crummy little screen I was watching it on. It must be amazing to view on a really big one.
Verdict: Keaton is a force of nature, and his stunts alone are worth tuning in for.
See it here: The General (1926) – Full Movie HD – YouTube

20. RISEN (2016)

Think of it as “Crucifixion C.S.I.” Where did Jesus’ body go? Is it all a plot to foment revolution? It’s Joseph Fiennes’ (who is sensational) job to find out for his increasingly nervous boss, Pontius Pilate. This is an enormously underrated movie, very creative and powerful, and has become an Easter staple at my house. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

21. ANGEL AND THE BADMAN (1947)

So *that’s* where the idea for Witness came from!  Tough guy John Wayne, wounded in a shootout, seeks healing and refuge with a Quaker family. They are lovely people with a really pretty and dull daughter played by Gail Russell, who always seems confused about what emotion she’s supposed to be going for. There’s some good stuff, but boy does it ever seem long, even though it isn’t.
Verdict: See “Witness” instead.
See it here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH541cXPdBM