Category: movie reviews

25. NOAH (2014)

Look, I totally get that the Biblical story of Noah is quite brief, and the filmmakers were going to get creative. But the way it wastes its pretty interesting first half by descending into a rat’s nest of ugly, weird, and twisted nonsense is pretty depressing. 

Verdict: Here, let me show you the part of the film that’s worth seeing: the astonishing “creation” sequence. Don’t bother with the rest.

26. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (2018)

This aggressively superficial biopic of Queen frontman Freddy Mercury whitewashes the darker elements of his story to the point that it robs both the triumphs and tragedy of his life of their dramatic impact. It’s impossible to feel anything while watching aside from the nagging feeling that time would be better spent listening to some Queen albums.
Verdict: Seriously, go listen to some Queen instead. Also, Rami Malek won an Oscar for this? How the hell did that happen?

27. GAMERA VS. GUIRON (1969)

In this miraculous specimen of kaiju cheese, the ever long-suffering Gamera must rescue a couple of annoying children from a couple of brain-eating space foxes, and a sullen ambulatory (kinda) kitchen knife.  Oh, and it has a song with a chorus that you will never get out of your head.  Ever.  If this isn’t a high enough recommendation for you, you are a lost cause, my friend.  
Verdict: I love these kinds of movies so much. I love them even better with my old friends from Mystery Science Theater 3000!

19. THE GENERAL (1926)

The plot’s creaky and bogs things down when too much attention is paid to it, but the production, the physical stunts, the cinematography, and of course, Buster Keaton himself are really something to behold. Even on the crummy little screen I was watching it on. It must be amazing to view on a really big one.
Verdict: Keaton is a force of nature, and his stunts alone are worth tuning in for.
See it here: The General (1926) – Full Movie HD – YouTube

20. RISEN (2016)

Think of it as “Crucifixion C.S.I.” Where did Jesus’ body go? Is it all a plot to foment revolution? It’s Joseph Fiennes’ (who is sensational) job to find out for his increasingly nervous boss, Pontius Pilate. This is an enormously underrated movie, very creative and powerful, and has become an Easter staple at my house. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

21. ANGEL AND THE BADMAN (1947)

So *that’s* where the idea for Witness came from!  Tough guy John Wayne, wounded in a shootout, seeks healing and refuge with a Quaker family. They are lovely people with a really pretty and dull daughter played by Gail Russell, who always seems confused about what emotion she’s supposed to be going for. There’s some good stuff, but boy does it ever seem long, even though it isn’t.
Verdict: See “Witness” instead.
See it here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH541cXPdBM

16. CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981)

Two words:  Ray Harryhausen.  The rest of the movie is a lot of fun too…everyone takes the proceedings very earnestly…to the point of being just *this* side of tongue in cheek.  But those creatures…divine.  
Verdict: Ray Harryhausen. Enough said. He has brought me so much joy. Just look at these wonderful monsters!

17. THE QUIET MAN (1952)

Everything here is perfect. Especially Maureen O’Hara’s ferocious, down-to-earth, tender performance. Her Mary Kate wears her proud and loving heart on her sleeve in such a moving and funny and relatable way. This is her movie, and every other wonderful performance and bit of beautiful Irish scenery is thing basically there to support her. One of my favorite performances in any movie.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

18. YOUNG GUNS (1988)

This is a pretty decent movie and tells the story of Billy the Kid and the Lincoln County War with more attention paid to accuracy than you’d expect. And with the hindsight of decades, this is a damn good cast, and they all do well in their roles.  It holds up well, and it’s fun seeing some actors who we now see as hoary veterans so early in their careers.
Verdict: Not bad at all.

13. CYRANO (2022)

This is a perfectly enjoyable, post-modern update of Cyrano De Bergerac nestled very uncomfortably in an absolutely terrible musical. Truly, the music, by the band The National, is just awful. Wastes some fine work from Peter Dinklage as Cyrano and Haley Bennett as Roxanne.
Verdict: Really, the music is very, very bad.

14. RIO BRAVO (1958)

I truly can’t think of a moment in this film that’s not perfect. It’s about friends taking care of one another and their community simply because it’s the right thing to do. The actors — including John Wayne, Dean Martin, Walter Brennan, Rick Nelson, and Angie Dickinson — all do career-best work, the writing is top notch, and the direction strikes just the right balance of light and dark to make sure the character moments shine even as the tension ratches ever upward.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

15. MEMORIES (1995)

Like most anthology movies, the quality of the three short films that make up “Memories” vary in quality, but all are wonderfully animated and worth watching if you like anime. The first chapter, called “Magnetic Rose” is legitimately brilliant, wild stuff.
Verdict: Recommended for anime fans.   

10. HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (2009)

Wow, does this film ever pertain to the world we’re living in now, what with the encroaching darkness and seemingly wanton acts of evil. Will Harry and his friends understand what they must do before it’s too late? Will we? Great movie, but really dark. I mean that literally. Sometimes you can barely see what’s going on. It’s my only gripe.
Verdict: Wonderful, like every other film in the series. Just plan on squinting through some of it.

11. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)

There’s so much joyful perfection here, it’s almost embarrassing. Roles like Indiana Jones are hard to get right, and does Harrison Ford unforgettably nail it. Indy is both a send-up and homage on every old adventure serial hero, and is a rich and complicated character in his own right.  There’s absolutely not a frame of this movie that doesn’t fill me with happiness.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

12. REPTILICUS (1961)

No one does city-crushing monster movies like the Japanese. They stand alone as the masters of the craft. Unfortunately, Reptilicus comes from Denmark and the result is underwhelming. Not just because the story is crap, the acting worse, and the production values laughable. I mean underwhelming as in they forgot to give their monster legs (it has feet). And its superpower is green puke. Enough said.
Verdict: Just, no.
See it here if you’re some kind of sadist: (1) Reptilicus REMASTERED | Full Sci Fi Movie | Ann Smyrner | Mini Heinrich | Dirch Passer. – YouTube

7.STRANDED IN SPACE (AKA, The Stranger) (1973)

An astronaut finds himself marooned on an alien planet that mysteriously looks *exactly* like earth, because let’s be honest, you can save a lot of money on special effects with a plot like that. As you can see by the poster, a lot of thought and effort went into making it.
Verdict: This was a TV pilot that never became a series. Let us rejoice.
See it here: I watched this version, with my old pals from Mystery Science Theater 3000. They can render anything hilarious. MST3k 305 – Stranded in Space – YouTube

8. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)

Perfection: sublime soundtrack, brilliant performances, jaw-dropping cinematography, outrageously literate and witty writing. It has Everythying. And the dopey/clever way it pays homage to The Odyssey, and its many little nods any nods to that fount of cinematic wit and wisdom — Sullivan’s Travels — (including its title) will delight anyone who loves that film. 
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

9. ROBOCOP (1987)

How did I miss seeing this until now? I didn’t expect to love it, I didn’t expect it to be funny, and I sure as hell did not expect to be moved by it.  What was I thinking? I’m kind of mad at younger self now.  What an idiot.  
Verdict: If you’re not turned off by great gory globs of outrageous, almost cartoony, violence you’ll probably like it.
Addendum: Who knew in 1987, that the depictions of our cities in this over-the-top satire would be so eerily and depressingly accurate?

4. SUPER 8 (2011)

So, apparently the makers of Stranger Things took a lot of notes during this flick.  That’s it. That’s my review.
Verdict: Well-done, but extremely derivative of every other movie that’s exactly like it.

5. STORM OVER EVEREST (2008)

Stop me if you’ve heard this –a bunch of mountaineers get trapped on Everest during a storm, and most don’t know what they’re doing, a lot of them die.  This is a very good telling of the 1996 Everest Disaster, with jaw-dropping visuals, and vivid interviews from survivors, some of whom gaze at the camera through rebuilt faces and gesture with fingerless hands.
Verdict: Good stuff, especially if you’ve read Jon Krakauer’s “Into Thin Air” (also highly recommended).
Watch it here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So3vH9FY2H4

6. MISSILE TO THE MOON (1958)

A kinda-sorta a remake of that timeless masterpiece “Cat Women On the Moon,” this is great in that cheesy low-budget ’50s way.  It also includes one of my favorite bad 1950s cheese movie monsters. Behold.

Seriously, it’s right up there with the angry space carrot from “The Beginning of the End.” God bless the makers of these movies, seriously.  
Verdict: Stupid and fun. Is it more stupid, or more fun? Nobody knows.

Here’s a new feature: my movie diary! I will show you the trailers of what I’ve seen and offer a short review, for your delight and amusement. Or you can skip it and just get on with the pictures.

1. THESE THREE (1936)

In a nutshell, this is “The Children’s Hour” minus the lesbian subplot. This is replaced by a scandal that happens because two women are in love with Joel McCrea at the same time. Like there’s anything totally not normal about that. The acting is outstanding by all involved, and there’s a really great turn by Bonita Granville, who plays the original celluloid demon seed. Wow, is she a piece of work.
Verdict: First-class melodrama. Highly recommended.

2. DAVE NOT COMING BACK (2020)

Spoiler alert: the focus of the documentary is a guy named Dave. The plot concerns his uniquely perilous mission to dive to a ridiculous depth to retrieve the body of a diver who had died there a decade earlier. It’s an act of both ridiculous recklessness and selflessness, and it makes the tale a strangely moving one. See it here if you’re so inclined:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p24wxGo0otg
Verdict: If find the topic uninteresting or you are the least bit claustrophobic, you might want to stay far away from this one.
Addendum: Heads up — Dave was filming his dive, and while the film does not show the entire clip, it does show the moment where he realizes what is going to happen to him, and it’s not for the faint of heart.

3. THE BARKLEY MARATHONS: THE RACE THAT EATS ITS YOUNG (2015)

The title says it all.  Especially the subtitle.  But it doesn’t begin to describe the twisted, perverse humor of both the event and the film.  You root for the competitors, who all seem a bit odd, laugh at the insanity of the race itself, and leave mystified as to why anyone puts themselves through this kind of physical and psychological torture. 
Verdict: Recommended if this kind of thing sounds good to you. You can see it here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zbl0jhbpiM0