Category: video

37. SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL (1970)

A truly terrible TV pilot, but oh my goodness, what an epic episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. That’s my entire review, because it doesn’t rate one on its own dreary “merits.”
Verdict: Has any human ever possessed a more punchable face than Pernell Roberts?
See it here: View the MST3K version here (you’re welcome): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYX1UYLbF7c

38. INTERNES CAN’T TAKE MONEY (1937)

The remarkably delectable Joel McCrea in scrubs, flirting with patient Barbara Stanwyck, knocking back a few brewskis with gangsters, breaking hospital rules, doing experimental surgeries in strange locations, like pool tables and office desks. Oh won’t you kiss it and make it better, Dr. Kildare?
Verdict: The two splendid leads make the silly melodrama extremely enjoyable. Did I mention Joel McCrea in scrubs?
See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVw1Gh3jqHM

39. THE VIKINGS (1958)

The Norwegian scenery is real, and scarred, one-eyed Kirk Douglas chews every last bit of it.  Meanwhile, a game Tony Curtis sports a swell pompadour and fur manties, while Janet Leigh’s bra almost puts out the eyes of her co-stars.  This is one of *those* historical epics, and because of everything mentioned above, and committed performances from the cast, it’s insanely fun.  I loved it. 
Verdict: It’s a good time. Recommended!

34. MISSILE X: THE NEUTRON BOMB INCIDENT (1978)

Peter Graves stars as a sexy international man of mystery out to save the world. I’ll just stop there. That should be more than enough.
Verdict: Rifftrax made it bearable. Great fun, even.
See it here: Rifftrax version – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBz5b0tANzc

35. GAMMERA THE INVINCIBLE (1966)

An arctic expedition gone wrong. A enigmatic Eskimo carving. Clueless scientists. Panicky military personnel. A child with a turtle fetish. A guy dressed in a rubber turtle outfit stomping models of cities and power plants. This is indeed a film that has something for everyone.
Verdict: Terrific in all of the ways these kaiju movies are terrific.
See it here: The Rifftrax version is pretty hilarious, but honestly I would have enjoyed it without the riffing.

36. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (1960)

Lots to love here, and just enough wrong with it to leave you vaguely disappointed.  The annoying “young kid” character is unbearable. Leaving him and his stupid romantic subplot on the cutting room floor would solve most of the movie’s problems. But then you’ve only got the Magnificent Six, and that doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Oh well.
Verdict: Good but not great. I don’t care what its reputation is.

31. GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN (1958)

False advertising. He’s not a giant, he’s maybe 6′ 3″. And he’s not from the unknown, he’s from 15th century Spain. And he also seems to have lumbago, so his attacks on the unsuspecting are like watching paint dry. This, in addition for the director’s penchant for long metal-detecting grid search sequences, make this one seem far, far, far longer than it’s brief running time.
Verdict: Meh.
See it here (with the guys from Rifftrax): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5d0OEyA6Dc

32. JUNGLE GODDESS (1948)

Oh, but this is a dreary, unpleasant little ditty. But at least the flying sequences are done with little model planes on perfectly visible strings. So there’s that. That’s literally the best thing about it.
Verdict: Trust me when I say that you can go ahead and miss this.
See it here (via Mystery Science Theatre 3000): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdCocIrY864

33. THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (2002)

Wes Anderson’s movies are an acquired taste, but I acquired it long ago not just because of his wacky/wonderful visual aesthetic, but because of the heart that he puts into his work. This is a story of familial dysfunction, disappointment, betrayal, forgiveness and redemption, and it’s weirdly moving and brutally funny in all kinds of unexpected ways.
Verdict: Wonderful, and a potential HoF member. I have to see it a few times more to make completely sure.

28. DINOSAURUS (1960)

Bad acting, worse writing, brain-dead plotting, mediocre stop motion dinosaurs, and schlocky caveman antics all in one movie!  It’s Dinosaurus!  What more can you ask for?  Well, how about a climactic duel between a T-Rex and an excavator.  How about a character named Dumpy?  Tempted now?  You should be!  
Verdict: I love movies like this. I don’t care who knows it.
See it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxsX1iT6260

29. SPACE MUTINY (1988)

A fun bad movie catapulted to immortality by the greatest of all MST3K episodes. That’s it. That’s my review. Put your faith in Blast Hardcheese and watch it.
Verdict: The Mystery Science Theatre 3000 version is an Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame. There, I said it. You know what movie will never be in my Hall of Fame? Casablanca. I refuse to apologize.
See It Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa42pxJyq64

30. MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD

One of the greatest, most immersive movies ever made.  Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin novels, which serve as the source material, are probably unfilmable as written, at least in motion picture form, and the differences between books and movie are significant. But it’s so beautifully crafted and acted, and so breathtaking in scale yet intimate and nuanced that it’s just miraculous. I will say it again: this is one of the best movies ever made.
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

22. MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO (1988)

Greatest movie about the joys and trials of childhood, bar none. It’s enchanting, but the real magic is in the animation itself: the scenes that consist of silence and clouds, or an empty room set up for a family meal, the action of water over stones. It’s deeply immersive and a movie unlike any other.  I cannot recommend it highly enough.  
Verdict: Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame

23. THE BIG COUNTRY (1958)

It’s not the best western I’ve ever seen, but it’s decently-written and well-acted by a stellar cast (I’m looking at you, Burl Ives), has spectacular cinematography and an iconic score.  It takes it’s sweet time getting where it’s going, but the all-around display of competence makes it a pleasant enough ride.  
Verdict: A supercut of all of Burl Ives’ scenes would do just as well.

24. JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR (1973)

This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I’ll just say it: this is one of the greatest of all movie musicals. The music, the voices, the stunning cinematography, the wonderfully creative direction…it’s just fantastic. The theology? Not so much. But what I wouldn’t give to see it on the big screen.
Verdict: If theological propriety is what you demand, then I’d pass. But if not, give it a shot. Oh yeah, and Inductee, Laurie’s Cinematic Hall of Fame.